I am guilty.
I am guilty of dreaming small dreams.
I am guilty of willingly giving my gifts and talents over to tiny little dreams of big successes.
I’ve been worried about the impact I will have and the number of books I will write when broken people and lost souls were right in front of me.
I’ve dreamed of doing His work, but I’ve measured it by big auditoriums and Facebook likes, as if our God usually works that way.
There are people right in front of me that I’m too busy dreaming small dreams of grandeur to notice.
I’ve been dreaming of being other people. Of matching what other people have done. Of doing His work their way and never mind His plans, I’m sure their formula for success will work out better for me.
It’s pathetic how little my dreams look when I think of all He orchestrates in just the second it takes me to tell myself how important I am. He’s holding the world while I cradle my bruised ego.
I used to care so much about what people thought about my words, but I’ll be frank: you look small to me now, because I have seen Him move.
I’ve seen what happens when people get out of His way and stop dreaming such. small. dreams.
I’ve dreamed of the things my own hands could build, not the work of my big God.
I’ve been so preoccupied with finding the right “career” that I forgot that He asks for my life.
I’ve been unsatisfied with callings that don’t come packaged with a job title. I’ve ignored opportunities that aren’t salaried.
I’ve been guilty of asking for far too little by seeking way too much.
Instead of asking for more of Him, I’ve settled for talking about Him more. I’ve traded knowledge for exposure and been far too willing to give up time with Him for time pretending I know Him.
I think we glorify God by wanting more of Him, and I have been guilty of misplaced contentment.
I have been too easily satisfied with surface-level exposure, toes just barely brushing the waves along the shore.
Instead of being content with what He provides, I’m content with cursory knowledge of Him, secondhand stories of His goodness and overheard retellings of His grace.
I’ve been guilty of breathlessly searching for dramatic ways to glorify someone I don’t really know.
I’ve been guilty of idolatry – worshipping the idea of glorifying Him instead of worshipping my God Himself.
Forgive me, Lord.